Have you seen my friends? I haven't. LOL

the Phab 4: Yourn Truly, Bravette, Chad, and Harry in DC (May 2004). Don't we look like a band? LOL

Nostalgia

stands on the edge of
the most endearing things about yester-year
smiles and tears alike mesh into memories
that strip them of any hurtful residue
and we are shaman and goddesses
never doubting our power to make memories
sweeter than the event itself.
we are a sometimes broken people who long
to remember remembering
the echo of a neglected moment
and hold it like an infant
a puppy, a promise, a civil right
and preserve it as if its passing
was the death of hope itself.
we are nostalgic because we are hopeful
because we need to be reminded
that there are many reasons
to relish next breaths
create new memories
recall the simple brilliance of our living.

Learning to Cry

I have waited for my tears to come for a long time
Never really fought for love, when it seemed to slip away
I never let myself cry over broken hearts
Sucked it up like a man’s man- unmanned
Developed some script of strength
A guise of guardedness
A mask
A pretense of resolve
But inside I had been breaking
Excess boiling over
A residue of emotions building
exploding
trying to own my shit and not blame
coping with the losses unexplained
So between midnight and 3am these days
I allow the tears to do more than well up
suck up courage to help them get unstuck
take my own advice
and remember to breathe
before wiping them tenderly away
Understanding these are first steps
towards a new day
I learn to smile through their falling
a good hurt
And stay up relishing memories
of all things good about being held well
remembering that good love is loving good
Even when things don't seem as they should
When loving don’t make sense
When there is no evidence of your loving
beyond your own confidence

And I think
Someday,
I may have water enough from tears
To baptize myself in the safety
of a love (again)
Like I’ve never been hurt at all

Black and Blue?

Here's one remedy. There's the compilation that i contributed music to, also featuring the work of Hanifah Walidah and Mrk Drkfthr (both based in NYC). The 2004 Election deepened whatever blues many of us were already experiencing. I'm not so naive that I believe the system itself isn't flawed-- but after many over-intellectualized years of not voting (my excuse: voting demonstrates my investment in a system that has consistently disenfranchised so many people, even as it provides small gains to a few tokens willing to forgive the impress of a racist, sexist, homophobic legacy... blah blah blah) . Well I saw this bumper sticker a few years back that said: "Don't Vote? Don't Bitch!"... and that was motivation enough for me. It wasn't enough that my "ancestors worked so hard for the right to vote"-- since most of my direct ancestors died penniless and disillusioned with the small gains made by generations in my family whose work and diligence would never be compensated by a "lesser of two evils" vote at the poll. Still, voting for me has become symbolic. I vote because I want to have the right to bitch and complain about all that's wrong, and also applaud what's moving in the right direction (dissent and revolution, are as patriotic as uniform flag-bearing). I want to hold "leaders" accountable... and since I still think the system is a mess, one way I've responded to this is through my he-art. Me and some very talented friends created this compilation that more or less moves through three sensibilities: thoughts, actions, love (cuz we should never lose sight of the fact that some good shooky-shooky-now, can make us forget which white guy is in office and what war or legislation they're endorsing). I love the blend of the music and the opportunity to include new material on the compilation. The music is beautifully complemented by interviews of other artists responding to the election (my favorite of which is the finale' "Bling Bling Revolutionary"). From me, Check out "Negrolosophy" (with ButtaFlySoul), "Movin'" a track I did with Deep Dickollective from Proto-Negroes, and a rare, jazzy and vocal number with Raymond Jones on piano about love escaping social madness called "Paradise". Even as jaded as I am, i listen to the song and am reminded that whatever the political climate and chaos in the world... it's better to feel love when things fall apart than to be falling apart and not have love enough to hold you up. I've been held together by some very beautiful people over the years; and have been especially grateful in those streaks of depressive feelings, insomnia, and exhaustion when I forget my shine. So "Blue State" is my hopeful thank you to all of you-- a foreshadowing of the "Paradise" I want for us all. Also... this blog is your opportunity to comment on what you think about the work there (which will be availble for sale VERY shortly). Critique and applause are both welcome. Preview at: www.soultrotta.com. Listen and let in.

The Bruhs

The Bruhs