sexy in caricature

(for belasco, james caldwell, jr, shon gales)

the contours are striking
my own hands
are unforgivingly critical
fingers have become over-familiarized
with the texture and bump
of lite hair, vein-river limbs
woolly hair that locs effortlessly
tight tummy
holding a trail of tears
evidence of loneliness

have been described as a man
with eyes that cut and pierce
as passionately as they smile
or cry
and i am not sure i like
being seen
so naked

sometimes when out...
people stare
I'm left wondering
if I'm known, want to be known
or an indexical trace to somebody
beautiful
or maybe
just some kind of tragic wonderment
framed
some exhibition seen
having realized
shame is no hiding place
for those who live
bravely and bare

muscular and top heavy
i smile through imperfections
assimilate gym workouts
i don't have
as often as is believed
i no longer have a boy's body
loving this evolution
into becoming a man
a dom, some daddy's papa
hoping to again
submit to loving

amusing
the way others see me
especially
the brothas from and roundabout Memphis
who draw me best
make me feel most beautiful
when i don't see it
or see myself
clearly

so i strive
to see myself
the way their pens see me
sexual, object of desire
inking myself
deeper than my baritone
leaving lasting impressions
on and/or in
memory, flesh, possibility
and there on page
smiling back at myself

i find joy
in this
deferred self-pleasuring
am liking this existential
being in somethingness
so(ul)fully hue-man
sexy in caricature